He really doesn't seem to get that immediately after pissing someone off to the point where they block him is the worst possible time to attempt to communicate with them further.Nolan is sad because he drove someone crazy.
"I think a lot of boys do this you know, you get very limited videogaming time, your parents don't let you play after a certain time, so you end up going out with... your boyfriends, like little boyfriends"Kevin 'Sakana' Li
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The Nolan Crush Memorial Post Dump and Lolcow Thread
- Thread starter reinigen
- Start date
Nolan is the type of person who will do something to upset you, and then go nuclear when you don't accept his apology because "he was so sincerely SORRY!" and you're a "horrible person who can't let grudges go and are making him suffer on purpose!"Nolan is sad because he drove someone crazy.
Textbook case of narcissistic thinking. Big question now is, with whom did burn this particular bridge, and is it possible to get them to testify on here?
He has a severe case of IF YOU LET ME EXPLAIN disease, is kinda of a symptom of autism, only that he does it to everyone including mods and then he later bitch of why he gets banned
How long until he Kestaline's himself?
Some political Nolan, as a treat
Some standard chumbud behavior, cant believe he didn't include an uoh or
. Truly a poor showing from the King
Nolan's version of calling people stalker child is referring to them as insane, a psycho, or a lunatic. It's his default, very funny. There's just reply after reply after reply of the same insult like 'ol Tomlinson does. Here's my favorite one as it has nearly all his favorite buzzwords in one tweet
Some standard chumbud behavior, cant believe he didn't include an uoh or
. Truly a poor showing from the KingNolan's version of calling people stalker child is referring to them as insane, a psycho, or a lunatic. It's his default, very funny. There's just reply after reply after reply of the same insult like 'ol Tomlinson does. Here's my favorite one as it has nearly all his favorite buzzwords in one tweet
We need this added to the nolan emotes.
I like how he describes what happened in the most vague way possible.Nolan is sad because he drove someone crazy.
What drama was it (personal drama or vtuber related?)? Why did he think it would matter to him? At what point was he blocked (after the fifth time the person said he didn't want to hear about it?)?
By being vague about these details, Nolan has given himself a lot of wiggle room to onlookers to help give him the appearance of just being the victim of a misunderstanding.
He knows what he's doing.
He doesnt, its a pavlovian reaction he has learned after getting banned and called a moron thousands of times
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
Or better said,
Hey kids!
If you loved the "Footless Furher," Bob "Galaxy Blob" Chipman..
..You're gonna love the "Footless Clopper," Nolan "Blind Bisexual" Crush.
Bob lost a foot?Hey kids!
If you loved the "Footless Furher," Bob "Galaxy Blob" Chipman..
..You're gonna love the "Footless Clopper," Nolan "Blind Bisexual" Crush.
Nenélove
They expect one of us in the wreckage brother!
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Isn't he like diabetic or smth? Diabetes if untreated can really easily make you loose a limb.
Yeah he is. I did a quick search about this on the Farms and couldn't find anything, so was curious.
Nolan Crush / Nolan Schlamersdorf / Bule dari Ohio / FuckingDragon
Act 1: Annoying But Harmless
Nolan was a member of the vtuber thread back on the farms. His activity prior to finding the thread was mostly talking about lolcows and making a fool of himself to the natives. Within 3 days of his first post on the farms in 2019, someone had already recognized him, setting the trend for his legendarily bad opsec.
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Act 2: The Descent into Madness
March:So after months of managing to keep his behavior partially under control, Nolan’s posting increases substantially and he starts getting into multiple unnecessary arguments. One of his most notable spergouts is when he shows himself breaking containment to get into a pointless argument on Twitter, only to get mocked for being an idiot and breaking the rules. What results is Nolan having a meltdown and his first major thread derailment, which lasts for several hours. Eventually someone posts his dox and he continues to be a sperg.
By the end of March, he’s getting himself into arguments pretty much every week and people are starting to take notice of his numerous spergouts. It becomes so tiresome that one of the Jannies has to remind Nolan to stop responding to every post.
His whirlwind of stupidity only increases from here on. Once we get to April, he’s already getting into disruptive arguments every week, sometimes multiple times a week. One of the Indonesian posters discovers that Nolan has garnered a reputation for his actions among the NijiID discords, earning him the nickname “Bule dari Ohio” or Foreigner from Ohio.
Nolan’s lunacy maintains a steady pace into May. After getting into another spergout that derails the General Thread, he manages to acquire another temp ban from the General Thread on May 10th. However he manages to provoke the Jannies into upgrading his ban from 3 to 4 days by reacting to the announcement of his 3 day ban with an “Autistic Winner” react.
After the Jelly spergout, Nolan is starting to spergout almost every few days. On the first day of June, his discord behavior is brought up and it prompts him to sperg out again, causing a derailment that goes on for at least three pages and requires a janny to pump the brakes.
The next month of July becomes the full unraveling of Nolan. Not even a week into the month, he got fully doxed on the farms. Nolan tries to lie and downplay it while trying to secretly recruit me to counter-dox.
Act 3: The Trial of Nolan Crush
July 23rd:After enough spergouts, Nolan is finally put on trial, a first for the forum.
For the second day of the trial, the two major topics of discussion are whether Nolan broke any rules to warrant a permaban and what would happen after Nolan is gone. Some argue that we’ll miss out on all sorts of juicy content with Nolan being banned and others argue whether another schizo-autist will just take Nolan’s place.
Much of the same on the third day of the trial but Nolan has grown more confident as he is winning the poll, so he starts posting more often in the thread. His posts quickly become modern examples of the saying, “A man who represents himself has a fool for a client”. Nolan’s actions lead to the poll returning to a dead even race.
The fourth day appeared to be a slow day for the trial, as people just resorted to shitposting instead of arguing as the poll stayed at a 50:50 split. However later that night, Nolan brings up Depressed Nousagi and Johnny Jambalaya immediately responds to him with a Miko react. What follows is the general thread shitting on DN while Nolan fervently defends him as he’s spammed with Miko reacts. No one is agreeing with him as he gets spammed with Miko reacts. Eventually he freaks out over a minor disagreement and is immediately temp banned from the general thread.
In the early hours of the fifth day of the trial, Nolan proceeds to DM the same person he freaked out at earlier to continue harassing them.
On the day of the Advent debuts, Nolan is finally permabanned from the site right as the Advent debut streams start. The debut of Hololive EN3 officially marks the start of a post-Nolan TVA.
Epilogue: Reflections and Revelations
So after the penis explosion, what has become of Nolan? Aside from shitting up the typical vtuber discords, Nolan has made a brief return to Kiwifarms despite claiming it is too dangerous and a security risk to do so.
Regardless of whether this is intentional manipulation or just how his maladjusted mind perceives these interactions, just remember to take his written account of others with a degree of skepticism. Keep in mind that this is a curated selection of his inane ramblings because he posts A LOT, it is basically a ritual for him to come to this blogspot and rant. What is included below is a display of his insanity and more revelations about him.
Nolan has an assignment for a Creative Writing class and can barely manage to get it to 4 pages while the assignment is 8-10 pages. His teacher has plenty of criticism but he can’t figure out how to write a story. Keep in mind that Nolan has dreams of being a writer.
Nolan tries to watch Coco’s graduation stream and throws a temper tantrum because his computer was lagging.
Nolan ends up getting his internet taken away from him for not doing chores. He proceeds to rant about the injustice and takes it as a personal attack while projecting and claiming his dad is interpreting all his ranting as personal attacks.
Nolan has to go to the DMV and miss Kiara’s birthday stream, causing him to have a meltdown.
Nolan’s dad turns the internet off at night so he doesn’t stay up late. He doesn’t understand why it fucks up his sleep schedule
Nolan loses a friend of over 3 years. He also has another rant about his dad blocking the internet and Nolan intentionally breaks the rules.
Nolan is on the internet even when he’s not supposed to be and he’s obsessed with watching Trotcon. He later admits to his dad that he has a paper to do and he doesn’t even know the deadline. His teacher then tells him that it is due now, which confuses Nolan.
Nolan loses internet privileges as a consequence of not doing his homework. Nolan is eager to break the rules to get around it though.
Nolan still refuses to do his paper, causing his dad to block the internet again. He tries to skirt the ban using an old computer but gets caught. Decides to seek out approval for breaking the rules.
The homework arc continues as Nolan refuses to do his homework and now gets his electronics confiscated.
His homework arc comes to an end as his teacher gives Nolan an inspirational email (spoiler alert: He will take none of this advice).
Nolan attempts to skirt a twitter ban with a free sms service but fails. Goes into a rage because it resulted in him missing 10 mins of an unarchived stream. Then he drops a plate and after he hurts some of his fingers trying to clean it up, he throws a Pringles can. The result is him getting even more pissed because he has to clean it all up still.
Despite being incapable of writing a story, Nolan can spend numerous paragraphs ranting about his dad and his internet being shut off.
Nolan gets upset that his mom is doing his laundry and hanging up his clothes because he doesn’t want her to see the stream he’s watching. He then freaks out because his dad was disciplining the dogs for peeing inside.
Not even a week after he claimed he neglects the dogs for only 5 mins at most, he ends up not letting his dogs out for 12 hours and they pee on the carpet.
Nolan can’t wake up at a normal time because he stays up super late watching streams. Yesterday he slept past 1pm and now he slept in until his dad woke him up at 3pm.
Nolan woke up his dad at 1:40am in the middle of the week because he was screaming about his diabetes. He also can’t mow a lawn properly and runs into things.
His dad puts his dog out to pee instead of waiting for Nolan to do it. Nolan proceeds to have a full blown meltdown and hit stuff in his room.
Nolan gets upset over his diabetes and his dad starts to mock his outbursts, which causes Nolan to flip out even more.
Nolan’s dad decides to shut the internet off at night and Nolan gets upset how his dad didn’t bargain with him about it.
Nolan wants to rant but can’t decide to write or record a video. Another user tells him that his rants tend to get him into more trouble but Nolan is confused by that statement.
His dad keeps shutting off the internet because Nolan stays up late. Nolan decides to start lying about staying up and blames his dad for making him lie.
After 3 days of the internet being blocked while he wakes up, Nolan goes on a deranged rant.
Nolans stays up until 6am and gets in trouble because his dad woke up from him handling his dog. What follows is Nolan trying to punish his dog for his actions and then crying about missing a stream.
Nolan posts a long 8min video about him ranting that can best be summed up as Is it okay for me to circumvent my dad’s punishment if I believe the punishment is just?
Nolan gets a ban lifted from a pony server. The ban was lifted early because he didn’t try to evade the ban. He then admits that he was in fact evading his ban using alts.
Nolan gets into a brief argument with LunarGuardian, the person that he’s been rantposting to and asking hugs. He also posts about staying up super late again and fucking up his diabetes.
Nolan starts crying because his internet was taken away and he might miss an unarchived stream now. He wants to move out with his older brother.
Nolan shares he’s diabetic, takes piano lessons, his older brother doesn’t live with the family, and circumvents his father’s punishments for not doing chores
He yelled at his dog and put it in its crate because it wasted his time.
He doesn’t understand why his Dad would want to turn off the internet to prevent him from being awake at 4am in the morning and sleeping in until 1pm.
His dad interrupted a music weekend from a vtuber, which sends causes him to meltdown.
Two days later his family wants to take him to see a Christmas special in a theater. He admits to enjoying it but silently seethes and has a meltdown during the show because he’s missing a stream
His dad interrupts him during a karaoke stream and he has another meltdown. He ends up missing the last song of the karaoke and admits it was because he was writing a vent post about his dad. As he is incapable of accepting responsibility for his actions, he blames his dad for missing that last song too. He also randomly shares info about his diabetes and weight.
He acted like a smart ass and got popped by his dad, resulting in a busted lip. On Christmas Eve, his brother asked about it and when Nolan explained what happened, his brother sided with their dad. Of course Nolan started screeching autistically and his brother mocked him for his “woe is me, everyone’s against me” attitude.
Nolan gets a ban lifted from a pony server. The ban was lifted early because he didn’t try to evade the ban. He then admits that he was in fact evading his ban using alts.
He cried because he missed an hour of Ame’s birthday stream due to oversleeping. It was the archived portion too, not the karaoke part.
Nolan was asked by his family to come to a dinner and musical so they don’t waste the $50 ticket as a result of his older brother being unable to attend. They have to offer to let him watch streams on his phone during the dinner for him to even consider it.
His dad turned off the internet at 11pm as punishment for waking up late again. Turns out Irys had a guerilla unarchived karaoke, so Nolan rants.
Nolan got his internet blocked because he forgot to take the dog outs for 16 hours.
Nolan goes to a restaurant with his family and ends up causing a scene. Also more pics of Nolan.
Gets told to clean dishes on his first day on the job as a dishwasher. He cries because apparently that is too confusing.
He posted a 14min video of him ranting about work because he had an outburst and got sent home.
He rants about his diabetes and dad, accusing his dad of having a victim-complex. Projection much? He also rants about missing an unarchived karaoke because he overslept.
Was rude to his mother and called her a cunt, and then got upset with his dad. He also cries about missing his sister a few months after the second anniversary of her death.
Calls his mom a drunk cunt and is upset she used his computer to look something up, as she might have seen something bad with his computer tabs.
His dad accidentally makes him cry and Nolan breaks down into hysterics and screams at him.
His dad shut off the internet because Nolan didn’t do the laundry for two hours. His dad lightly slaps him because Nolan spergs out at him. Blames everything on his dad.
He wakes up at 3pm, cuts his thumb, and then goes crying to his parents. He then starts to lose his shit because he feels he didn’t get enough emotional support.
Misses a birthday stream by 30mins because he was busy with a friend for 40mins, calls him a piece of shit and considers unfriending him
He gets told not to give salami lunch meat to his dog by his dad, he disobeys, dog ends up throwing it up. Proceeds to flip out at his dad for being upset.
A week after joining TVA, he gets in an argument with dad and his dad said he liked his dead sister more than him.
Nolan loses a longtime friend because they exude negativity as a result of him ranting too much
His older brother moved back in 3 days ago and Nolan thinks he’s a giant cunt for moralizing and nitpicking stuff he does. The next day he’s crying outside because of his brother’s treatment.
Decides to watch a “very important stream” during work even when he’s not supposed to be on his phone. Gets warned about it and eventually gets told he has to keep his phone in the office while working for two weeks.
His brother complains about him not taking the dogs out a few hours after they ate. Nolan proceeds to bitch about having any sort of responsibility and calls it unreasonable.
Calls off work so he can celebrate someone else’s birthday. Nope, not his elder brother’s birthday (which is today and he also recently moved back in). Nolan instead called into work so he can watch a birthday stream and judging by the date, it was likely Reimu from Nijisanji.
He continues to fuck around and wear headphones so he can listen to streams at work. His coworker and supervisor warn him but he decides to go online to ask for advice (aka, seek approval)
He becomes emotional because he misses some streams. He later gets in trouble at work because his boss found out he was using headphones while working to listen to streams.
Nolan gets into another fight with his brother, proceeds to walk outside and scream. His brother later makes a small remark and Nolan rushes to him to scream in his face. Their dad has to come over and stop Nolan. Nolan proceeds to blame it all on his brother.
Nolan gets into another fight with his brother over misinterpreting things. Proceeds to rant outside for a half hour.
After another diabetes episode, his brother complains about him not taking the dogs out again. Nolan then sees a post that makes him upset and he ends up missing a stream.
After recently getting in trouble at work for fucking around with his phone, he weighs the option of whether to watch another stream or not.
He’s worried about getting fired because he used his boss’s scissors to cut his facial hair in the bathroom. His boss said he either needs to find a solution for Nolan or fire him.
Gets into a fight with his mom, ends up throwing hands, and he busts her lip.
He rants about his diabetes and dad, accusing his dad of having a victim-complex. Projection much? He also rants about missing an unarchived karaoke because he overslept.
Nolan gets into an argument with a coworker and ends up cursing and yelling at them. His boss found out he aggressively pushed a resident (reminder, he works in a nursing home with the elderly). He later finds out the coworker was right about the argument.
Nolan reboots the internet on his dad without giving him a heads up. His dad turns off his PC in response. Big screaming match happens and Nolan ends up crying in the middle of it.
Nolan uses his phone at work again and ends up getting it taken away permanently.
Has a huge fight with his dad, which results in his dad breaking down the door. It’s revealed he lost the job at the nursing home and his dad claims the only reason he wasn’t fired sooner was because his mom works there.
His dad blocks his PC from the internet at 11pm so he doesn’t stay up late, Nolan stays up late anyways by being on his phone, which he even tells his dad. He’s shocked his dad keeps his pc blocked.
Nolan gets told he needs to stop copy-pasting messages or empty livepost by a discord mod, causing him to break down in tears. Punished Nolan, A Man denied his LMAOOOOO.
His family is upset that he’s not taking care of the dogs and Nolan can’t seem to stand his brother at all.
Wakes up his dad at night by yelling at his brother, so his dad blocks the internet to his PC.
After doing something he was told not to do by his dad, he ends up creating a mess and getting into an argument with his dad. Screams, “I’m a monkey. I’m a monkey.” to his dad, gets his PC blocked again.
Discord mod calls out Nolan’s behavior and of course Nolan escalates the disagreement into getting himself banned after that mod mentions his bans from other discord servers. He tries to talk to another mod to get himself unbanned but they reveal they’ve received plenty of reports about him.
Nolan losing his shit over breadsticks.
Nolan’s dad takes his M&Ms from his candy drawer. Nolan proceeds to have a crisis.
Nolan has been getting banned from discords and it’s been causing him mental anguish.
Nolan had an outburst at work over his headphones breaking and it caused him to get sent home early. He’s now worried that he’ll get fired because he was playing on his phone when he wasn’t supposed to.
Nolan becomes completely unhinged and rants about his brother and the dogs. The night he posted this is also the night he spergs out on TVA and gets himself banned again from the general thread.
Nolan breaks the rules again, this time about the dog’s feeding schedule. His brother calls him out for it and he proceeds to sperg out again.
A month after getting his penis exploded, Nolan’s mental state is holding up just fine as he shoves his goblin hands into a tub of ice cream. Proceeds to rant about his brother lacking self-awareness.
Nolan is rattled because of reinigen’s post on the farms calling him out, so now Nolan wants reinigen dead.
Nolan goes to therapy, hilarity ensues.
Going through his old blogspot postings shows that we were wrong about Nolan, he did not get worse. What really happened was that Nolan got worse at restraining himself and that caused the mask to slip. Nolan is completely incapable of functioning in society and can not truly accept when he’s at fault for something as he will immediately redirect the blame onto others, even when he knows it isn’t really their fault. While Nolan has admitted to being diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger’s, it would not be surprising to find out that he has another mental illness that has remained hidden and undiagnosed as several of the symptoms may have just been attributed to his comorbidities. There is the possibility that he may also have Bipolar Disorder due to his rapid mood swings characterized by his bouts of mania that are quickly followed by episodes of depression. Nolan will exhibit mania through his unusual talkativeness, illogical thinking, impulsive behavior, and sleeplessness. This is followed by his depressive episodes marked by feelings of sadness, difficulty concentrating, and fits of rage caused by his irritability.
Regardless of what’s at play, he’s had countless chances to better himself or at the very least learn why what he’s doing is wrong. Unfortunately Nolan is still making the same mistakes and causing the same problems. As stated and showcased earlier, he is incapable of functioning like an adult and holding a job as trivial as a dishwasher that he got nepotism hired into through his mother. He is a constant burden on those around him and when his parents pass away, it is very likely that he’d burn through whatever inheritance he’d get and would be unable to properly support himself. There is the very real possibility that if his brothers aren’t willing to endure and support his overbearing presence, we could see a homeless Nolan liveposting about ponies and vtubers from the computers at a public library. Nolan is a true lolcow, a CWC in the making.
Below is an archive of his blogposts on Friendshipdailymlp that was created by @reinigen
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